Should You Be GALLUP Certified?

According to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace report in 2013, only 13% of employees worldwide are engaged in their workplace. In the same report, disengaged employees stand at 63%, while actively disengaged employees make up 24%.

The Gallup trainer gave an excellent analogy to this. Being engaged at the workplace is like noticing trash on the floor and deciding to pick it up to throw it in the bin. The disengaged employee would instead ignore it and pretend that it isn’t there. The actively disengaged employee is the one who threw it on the floor in the first place.

People are usually unhappy at the workplace. How do we solve this? Image Source

Why I decided to be a Gallup-certified coach

I have found it to be increasingly important to be passionate and enjoy being at the workplace. This became much more apparent while working with my current team. At the same time, I cannot imagine doing a job that I hate. We are working 2/3 of our lives away. For most of us, we have the privilege of choice. We can make better decisions with regards to how we choose to spend that huge portion of our time.

I decided to be a psychologist based on personal experience. I learned that psychology and therapy made me a better person, and as a result, live a better quality of life. This inspired me to provide a similar experience to others as well. More recently, gaining self-awareness and making active choices in my career also provided me with similar benefits. As such, it makes so much sense to learn how to provide this benefit to others too.

Coincidentally, Gallup has established a reputation to be one of the leading authorities in employee engagement surveys and solutions. Their main source of revenue comes from the administration of related psychometric tools, corporate consulting, and coaching services. I bought myself a seat to be trained in one of their tools and to be a certified “strengths coach”.

And So My Journey Began

I flew over to the Philippines by paying a grand sum of about RM15,000. This course fee was for 4.5 days worth of training. Given the princely sum (at least for me), it is worth objectively evaluating whether the course has been worth the price.

I arrived a day before the training and checked into a hotel within walking distance of the place. The training location was comfortable, the food was great, and the participants were welcoming and eager to learn.

The course itself? To be honest, it was nothing short of impressive. As a business, they have certainly established the “why” of their value proposition:

  1. Disengaged employees are costing businesses a lot of money.
  2. People are unhappy at the workplace. They spend a lot of time doing something they dislike (while being terrible to their colleagues).
  3. Managers could be technically skilled. However, managers often work up the ranks from a technical position. As such, they may not necessarily have the skill set to manage people. Have you heard of the term “people leave managers, not companies”?

Gallup offers a solution to this through a psychometric tool which gives a glimpse to a person’s “strengths”, which are described as “talent themes”. These are a person’s tendencies in thinking, behaving, and feeling, especially in a professional setting. By developing this self-awareness (and going through coaching of how to best use these strengths to his/her advantage), he or she will be able to navigate through a satisfying career path, work along better with colleagues, and manage others more effectively.

I must say, the company has thoroughly done their homework. They delivered a solid learning experience. To top it off, I received a variety of learning materials, picture cards, handouts, booklets, and any possible tool that you can think of to start coaching with this psychometric tool. Gallup equips you with comprehensive material from start to finish. This includes coaching tools for the employee, the manager, the team, and even the initial business pitch to the company (with PowerPoint slides included).

This course provides tools to work with a variable number of people, which is neat. Image Source

The trainers are also highly knowledgeable in the ins and outs of the tool. If you are in it for the right reasons (continue reading below), then this training is definitely worth the money with great take home value. I also took home with me 5kg worth of materials, which they have nicely included into a Gallup tote bag.

But…

No doubt, this tool and coaching principles offers great utility in helping people navigate through a professional setting. As with any other tool, it measures a limited scope of human potential. A coach has to be mindful to not overgeneralize “talent themes” beyond what it can. From time to time, the training program may insinuate that it is possible to make this sweeping generality. For example, the trainers made us examine how Talent A can in fact be used as Talent B, Talent C or Talent D, which ultimately defeats the purpose of identifying what Talent A is in the first place (to know more, read the Barnum effect).

However, this does not change my high opinion of the course, tool, or trainers. I am aware that this is due to a commercial decision. The organization is treating this as a comprehensive product and service due to it being the bread-and-butter of the company. While a person who is highly competent in coaching through this tool will provide significant benefit to the coachee, it is not a be all and end all of coaching. It simply does not possess the scientific rigor for such an ambitious task. The same goes for any other psychometric tool.

Should You Sign Up For This Course?

You can consider signing up for this course if you:

  1. Work with people at a capacity of a consultant. This includes psychologists, counselors, coaches, trainers, and so on. This tool and training provides an angle to work with people who are seeking guidance in being better working professionals. If this tool can be an added value to your existing skills, is relevant to your clientele, and is a promising means of return on monetary investment, then you can seriously consider taking up this course.
  2. Are a passionate manager who wants to grow his/ her team. A great manager is one who is also a mentor, coach, and leader to his/ her team. This tool can be a great addition to your skill set. The caveat here is that the tool is purchased on a single use basis. Each team member has to take the assessment first.
  3. Are looking for marketable value if you have a related consulting business. Many companies use this tool. You can leverage on this.

You should not sign up for this course if you:

  1. Are looking for career advancement, and think that adding a (rather niche) coaching certification can add value to that. In this case, there is a bigger value add to instead go for a part-time MBA. Albeit requiring a little more money, time, and effort, there will be more weight to what you can offer the business. Where I come from, companies still rely a lot on paper qualifications.
  2. Have no relevant background in working with people and intend to start doing so. This course isn’t for you. You could instead go for more a general coaching course. The International Coaching Federation (ICF) do recognize some of these courses, which is an added advantage. It’s cheaper, you get a wider scope of study, and your coaching will not be narrowly defined by a psychometric tool.
  3. Are interested in consulting people, but not specifically for corporate settings. In this case, it will be much more relevant to be trained as a counselor. Mental health services has a wider market when it comes to individual clients looking for personal development.

In Conclusion

Gallup’s psychometric tool and it’s accompanying coaching course can be a great addition to your existing repertoire of skills and resources. I enjoyed myself throughout the training. I personally find that I made a worthwhile investment. My only caution is to not harbor hope in it being the only tool that you’ll need to rely on. After all, personal development is a journey that never stops.

Team Work Makes The Dream Work

Recently, a student had uttered the title of this post during one of our many group sharing. As of late, I’ve come to appreciate this tagline much more.

I completed the MBTI (a kind of personality test) sometime last year, along with team members from the university that I am attached to. What I’ve taken away from it is that I thrive more when tasks/ projects are pursued based on the “big picture”. Also, I do well when tasks are done more spontaneously in a less-structured manner. In a nutshell, I get “fired up” when something has a strong “why”, with problem-solving done as things go along.

Understanding Differences

This resonates with me, as I oftentimes find myself getting excited over prospects of projects and pursuits that I have in mind. I am very motivated when piecing parts of my life together – the opportunities available, the skills that I can contribute, resources that I can gather, and the hypothesized outcomes of that. Throughout the course of the year, I have also realized how drained I become when following through with a highly-structured routine or task. If I’m caught up with tasks that requires intense organization skills, it’ll only takes a fraction of the workday for me to feel completely exhausted.

On the other hand, there are people who LOVE doing things that I’m weak in. There are people in my department who thrive in a highly structured and organized environment. This can include tasks in designing and going through lists, steps, and specific formats to get the job done. At the same time, these are the people who would also be drained and irritated when tasks or projects do not have clear and detailed rules or steps to completion.

Obvious fact: Teamwork leads to positive outcomes (Image Source)

Although these two attributes may not be so clearly defined within us, you and I tend to have our preferences. And when two individuals with strong opposing attributes are in a team, there is a chance for unproductive and damaging conflicts to happen. Likewise, when team members understand each other deeply, these attributes can instead complement and improve a team’s performance.

Intentional Teamwork

What I’ve learned is that intention matters a lot. In improving relationships, whether romantic or collegial, intention is the key in making it work and bringing it to the next level. Intention allows for investment of time and effort into the relationship. One aspect of what I like in the current department is that there is the intention to develop a culture of deep understanding with one another. This involves spending a great deal of time with one another.

We have weekly meetings which starts with personal updates and icebreakers. There is also tremendous investment in training which develops not only our primary roles, but also in learning new things about one another. Not forgetting, all the retreats and outings that we have gone for, with the intention of not only to having fun, but to have sessions to reflect and learn about ourselves and others in the team.

As a result, our strengths and weaknesses complement one another. There is little, if at all, damaging criticism or finger pointing. There is ownership over assigned tasks, and no hesitation in seeking for each other’s support when times get tough. Projects are completed well, and the team spirit is high.

Happy Career = Happy Life (image source)

A Meaningful Career

Not many teams I’ve belonged to, or if at all, have reached this level of cohesion. With this experience, my aspiration is to belong to working groups that has the intention in developing high levels of team work. I strongly believe that investment should be prioritized in developing human capital, and only with that is it possible to reach new heights in career advancement.

After all, we spend 1/3 of our lives working. Wouldn’t it be all the more meaningful to spend it in a way that’s enjoyable?

READY TO LAUNCH: Comprehensive Guide To A Fulfilling And Meaningful Life For The 20 To 30-Something [INTRODUCTION]

Note: I had started on writing a book a while back, but had not prioritized completing it for the longest time. After much deliberation and soul-searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that now is the best time to accomplish this. I expect this book to be completed and published by the middle of next year. This is the introduction to the book:

INTRODUCTION

I remember being depressed when I was 20 years old. Like many others at that age, romantic relationships formed a big part of my life experience. Upon a traumatic relationship breakdown, I went through months of feeling helpless, hopeless, and incompetent in handling myself. I wasn’t a happy person, and had no clue on how to get out of that deep hole that I was in. As a result, I wasn’t keeping up with my studies, suffered with my health, and neglected the existing relationships that I have in my life. I was merely surviving, barely scraping through the day just to live another day. It was a mess.

At this moment of writing, I am filled with an odd feeling of gratitude. Things are different now. In the past decade, I have been investing a lot into figuring out myself. More importantly, I have been learning the tools necessary for me to have a happy and joyful life. I now remember that event as the beginning of a long journey towards personal development. I’m happy to see a significant progress towards being empowered to make the necessary changes in my life, to live according to my values, to have a clearer sense of purpose, and to develop meaningful relationships and career. It has been a fulfilling journey thus far.

Being happy and fulfilled is one of the most important and sought after experiences in life. It is the foundation to the “why” in our actions. It is what gets you out of bed in the morning. It fills you with passion for experiencing life. There isn’t a reasonable person who would want to perform a routine without believing (which may be different from the outcome) that it will provide them with happiness, or at the very least, some relief. In an ideal world, every person deserves to be happy.

However, reality tells a very different story. In 2014, the National Institute of Mental Health reported that about 1 in 5 adults experienced a mental disorder in the United States during that one year duration itself.1 In Malaysia (where I am from), the figure for “mental health problems” rose from 10.7% in 1996 to a shocking 29.2% in 2015!2 That is 1 out of 3 persons in my country experiencing some kind of mental health concern, commonly depression and anxiety.

That is indeed a very worrying number.

That same concern applies to the way we work. For the most part of the urban population, we will be spending at least 1/3 of our lives doing work (measured in hours of the day or years in our lifetime). Considering how much valuable time we are investing into this portion of our lives, I’d think that it is vitally important that work is done in a way that fulfills us. But, the percentage of employed working-age adults across 155 countries who are engaged – meaning they are enthusiastic and very involved in their work – stands at only 15%3.

These numbers show that a significant amount of people in the world are living a life that is unfulfilling, unproductive, and unhappy. Why is this so?

That is the same question that I have been asking myself in the past decade. What started as an inquiry for my personal development also then grew to become a subject for academic understanding and career path.

Studying psychology as a subject matter and completing my undergraduate and postgraduate thesis in studies of happiness, sitting through hundreds of hours of therapy with individuals from all walks of life, and facilitating groups for personal development gave me insight into what people really needed in their lives to become the best versions of themselves. The crux of the matter is this: to live a fulfilling, productive, and happy life, what is needed most are skills to navigate through the seasons and challenges that we face.

As a 30-something who had gone through my 20s experiencing challenges faced by young adults for the first time, such as how to manage and grow relationships, finding a purpose in my daily actions and career, and how to regulate my emotions, I can understand how lost and alone it can feel to not receive the kind of support to know what to do in life. When I look around, it seemed like everyone knew what they were doing and what they wanted. But, hours and hours in therapy with clients tells a different story: while it may seem like things are in order, people are actually struggling with getting a grip on themselves. We are desperately looking for the support and guidance to live a fulfilling life, and for the most of us, we fail to find that holy grail.

The reality is, a one-size-fits-all approach to personal development is not possible.  There is no magic advice that can be given by a guru which will immediately transform your life. This is because we each have different strengths, aspirations, past experience, and chapters of our unique lives that have yet to be told to the world. What is very possible, however, is to bring awareness of the skills that can be developed and applied in your day-to-day life so that you are able to live a life that is to the best of your abilities. As a result, you’ll find that your individual potential can be realized, and life will be more meaningful, joyful, and fulfilled. That is the purpose of this book.

The material gathered for this book comes from years of experience as a psychologist. You’ll find that the skills highlighted in the book may come from empirically-driven approaches from existential, humanistic, and cognitive-behavioral psychology. It also comes from understanding the lived experience of the many clients that I’ve seen throughout my career. Lastly, as someone who is also in your shoes, I hope that my personal experience of living through this part of life can be useful to highlight that just like you, I too go through the same challenges, and that you are not alone.

I hope that you’ll get as much value reading through this book, as much as I did writing it. Let us begin.

What makes a good life?

I had a rather profound moment whilst vacationing on a beautiful island off the coast of Terengganu recently. It was at night, and one of the staff divers was enthusiastically showing us a spot on a big rock for us to look at the stars. Indeed, the sky was really beautiful. The stars looked as if it was hanging off from the atmosphere. I laid on the rock, looking up at the canvas which forms the galaxies to which these stars come from. The gentle blowing wind and sounds of the ocean waves made me imagine what it is like for creatures from the sea to live through this everyday. It must be a peaceful experience.

“It looks good, right?” asked the diver. I replied to the affirmative.

He then exclaimed joyfully, “Of course it does. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been here for 22 years!”. There was a lightness in his steps as he  then headed back to his room.

A stroll by the beach, with a view to remember.

That statement made an impact on me. Sure, the view is incredible. It is peaceful. I feel very much connected to nature. To live like this for 22 years? That seems much more of a sacrifice than a reward, as I would then need to let go of the many worldly desires that I aspire to have.

At the same time, his expression of pure joy to a way of life that he has experienced for a whole 22 years, is very, very, inviting. Clearly, that is an inner experience that I too would like to experience for 22 years. But, I realized that the way to achieve that joy can also be very different. I then snapped out of my illusory trance. While island life serves his inner calling, it is a momentary leisure pit stop for me. We are different individuals meant to live out our unique and individualized purpose.

There is a convenient but tragic flaw in our logical reasoning. When we see someone having something that makes him or her happy, we assume that too, is something that we need to have in order  to be happy ourselves. While this statement may be true for certain universal characteristics of being a person, such as fulfilling basic needs of food, water, shelter, and meaningful relationship(s), in most cases, our estimations of what we need to make us happy are highly inaccurate.

At times, we get so mesmerized by what we see.

What makes us happy depends more on our intrinsic experience, such as living to our values and purpose. Depending truthfully on our  inner compass then leads to fulfilling and meaningful actions. Unfortunately, we find observations of our external environment to be a more valid predictor to our well-being. We oftentimes confuse happiness with what the person has or does. The former is an inner state, while the latter is a way or means of reaching that state of mind. The way to being happy for one person may include amassing power, wealth, and fame. However, that may not be necessary for another person to also achieve happiness. In most cases, such worldly possessions is more of a by-product than an end goal.

The reason a deep neglect of our inner being exists is because external observation is a much more convenient tool. There is little need to inquire on our own individual existence, to explore the plethora of emotions that lies within, and to ultimately be comfortable with answering the question of “Who am I?”. Questioning oneself is akin to opening a Pandora’s box. It is an effortful and frightening process. For many, this becomes overwhelmingly frightening that mimicking the behavior, desire, and goals of others becomes an automatic response.

But, as the saying goes, nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy.

On a related note, I really enjoyed a parable that I’ve read before, of which I will loosely paraphrase here to conclude this blog post:

An explorer from a big city enters a vast jungle. In his adventure, he managed to make his way deep into the jungle. As the afternoon sun began to set in, he rests by the river to regain his strength. Coincidentally, he was met with an aboriginal man. The aboriginal was dressed in nothing but some leaves covering what is necessary.

The explorer, clearly shocked, said “Oh my, look at you! You need to be brought into civilization. Look at the kind of life you are living!”. The aboriginal replied, “What is it that is wrong with me?”

“Firstly, you need to get properly clothed, and go through some education”, said the explorer. “How will that benefit me?” asks the aboriginal.

“You get educated so that you can be smart enough to go to University”, said the explorer. “How will that benefit me?” asks the aboriginal.

“You go to University so that you’re able to get a degree and get a good job”, claimed the explorer in a proud tone. “How will that benefit me?” asks the aboriginal again.

“Well, you get a good job so that you can save enough money to retire when you’re older!” said the explorer, looking increasingly irritated. “How will that benefit me?” asks the aboriginal again, looking even more confused.

“So that you can then do whatever you want!” said the explorer in a loud tone. “Like what?” then asks the aboriginal.

“Well, you can wake up without an alarm and do nothing, go fishing, go for a walk…anything that you feel like doing for the day, really. You can enjoy life, obviously!” the explorer said in a defeated tone.

“Oh..”, the aboriginal murmured under his breath. There was a short pause as he pondered on what he had just heard. He then said, “Isn’t that what I have been doing all along?”

 

 

Welcome to my 30s

There was contentment and fulfillment during the weekend that had just passed. I had attended an event to which I was hearing about ideas and experiences by many interesting speakers. I happened to be one of the speakers as well. It was exhilarating to maneuver through the speech that I had prepared. The next day was spent consulting clients, and having a hearty family dinner. I was then enjoying the after-effects of the weekend for the whole of Monday; feeling full, contented, and well-rested.

Went to a cafe after the event and met with this bundle of joy.

Being fulfilled and content can indeed be a pleasurable feeling. At the same time, it was a confusing thing for me to experience. It felt like there was nothing else that I could possibly want or look forward to. It was frightening to feel that way. If I do not want anything else, does it mean that I do not have anything to work towards in my life?

Since starting on my entrepreneurial journey, there has always been a kind of hunger within me. A hunger to achieve what I want and to start on projects that I find to be meaningful.  This drive of mine was fueled by a feeling of something being “incomplete”, like pieces of a puzzle that that needs to be put together. I explored, took risks, and at times felt like I had to brave through the consequences on my own. I felt that this experience developed perseverance and courage, which fueled this fire within me to soldier on. In a nutshell, what kept me going during the second half of my 20s was a mix of passion and angst towards the world, idealism over possibilities, and an undying need for learning and doing.

Which was why this feeling of fulfillment and contentment that I had was scary.

It took away the security of an identity that I had built over the past 3 years. Accepting my current feelings would mean taking away the idea of who I was and what I stood for. Instead of feeling like things needed building, I am to feel like things are alright; that I am good with where I am instead of having a destination to go to. I find myself clinging on to this idea of this hungry and passionate dreamer with a chip on his shoulder. I resisted the idea that I am possibly this person who is happy with who he is and how his life is. Essentially, I was afraid of youth, passion, and energy leaving my being.

This cafe was a pivotal point in my career development.

Coincidentally, a colleague had invited me to a men’s support group later that night. I was looking forward to this. I oftentimes felt like there was a lack of support or guidance in going through life and the mysteries that come with each moving step. Surprisingly, I received so much value from listening in on the experiences of others. It was rejuvenating to fell connected with other men from different age groups and different backgrounds. The only commonality we had stems only from being the same gender and experiencing that one life that we all have.

We spoke a lot about psychological shifts that needed to happen in order for a successful life transition to happen. We talked about how surrendering can be empowering. In the words of one of the men, surrendering oneself can feel like a newborn baby being held against the bosoms of the mother: a psychological state of relief, love, and belonging.

Holding on to an identity that no longer serves me was restricting and limiting to my personal growth. As I’ve developed that idea of self for the past few years, there’s some sense of familiarity and security that comes with it. On the other hand, embracing who I currently am can leave a whole lot of room for error. What is “right” behavior, and what is “wrong”? There isn’t a working template to refer to, and that can be anxiety provoking. At the same time, the only way to successfully transition to this developmental phase of my life is to let go and surrender to this experience, trusting that it will all turn out alright. It eases the tenseness, the stuck-ness, and the restrictions to me being my honest and true self.

I felt a deep sense of connection with myself since that group sharing. I’ve sailed past slightly troubled waters, and now feel the calmness of the sea, with the sight of a bright golden coastline. The warm sunlight with the sound of the waves and birds makes my skin reverberate with positivity and fulfillment. There is much joy in embracing who I am. I am now certain that I can enjoy the sweetness that my 30s will bring me.

Here’s to a decade of experiencing the enjoyment of just doing and being.

How To Effectively Manage Your Greatest Fear By Doing One Simple Thing

I vividly remember the first time I ever addressed an audience. It was my first semester in university. Up until then, I’ve only listened to teachers giving their speeches during morning assemblies. The opportunity never came up, and I did not experience any form of public speaking up until I was close to being 20 years old.

I have always been an active participant in sports and social activities. There were little, if at all, difficulties with being around people. I had the impression that I could present to an audience quite similarly to how I interacted with others in day to day life. “Just keep in mind what I have to share and talk about it in front of them”, I told myself.

I have never been so wrong.

As soon as I went up to the classroom, my body began to tremble. I was stuttering a lot. Somehow, the ideas that I wanted to share with the other students did not appear in my mind. There were long uncomfortable moments of silence. I stumbled around mentally, looking for the points that I thought I had prepared. It was a mess.

I learned later on that what I experienced was anxiety. Instead of believing that it is a point of weakness, I took it as a challenge. I began rehearsing more before each presentation and prepared cue cards for points that I’d like to keep in mind. I even went to the extent of challenging social anxiety by approaching strangers at the mall, university, bars and clubs. At first, I would start with asking for the time. I then went up a notch by introducing myself, and asking for the other person’s name. And then, I worked up to initiating conversations instead. I have to be honest: I felt like I was going to faint the first time I approached a stranger!

I do not identify with the term “conquer your fears”. I’ve had my fair share of experience speaking in public since that paralyzing speech in university.  What I’ve learned is that the fear never really goes away. Every time I am addressing an audience, I feel the same anxiety that overwhelmed me when I was 20 years old. When I go on stage, I feel my limbs trembling. Each time, there will be a gush of blood to my head. I start feeling flushed and my thoughts get scrambled. This doesn’t change no matter how many times I give a talk to an audience.

What has changed though, is the belief in my abilities to manage the situation.  There is no talent in this. It is purely based on experience from repeating the same behavior over and over (and over) again. I have also learned that no matter how bad the talk is, that in the grand scheme of things, it is no big deal! I’m still alive, so it can’t be that bad?

I am writing this because of the anxiety I felt at a recent TEDx talk that I presented regarding a mental health platform in Malaysia. Even if I may look calm and composed, my mind was actually all over the place! You have probably seen someone doing something that you’d always like to do.  However, you may at times believe that doing it is beyond your abilities. Remember this: this person once felt exactly the same way as you. The only difference is that he or she started doing it and (currently) has more experience!

There is wisdom from the tagline of a well-known sports apparel company. When facing your fears, one simple advice to follow is: “just do it”.

Aligning my purpose for 2018

I was very ambitious as I was setting out to do 2018. I had just taken on a new role at a university full-time, and had the intention of going into my office to consult clients during the weekends. At the same time, I am also growing an online counseling platform, which at the moment has become a rather promising prospect for the coming few years. I also had the goal of learning more about making good investments (stocks, commodities, and cryptocurrencies – I know, the latter being a point of contention) and grow a healthy investment portfolio. To make this a reality, I wanted to make sure that I save as much as possible. I also wanted to have time for a good amount of daily exercise, walks with my dogs, dinners with family… Oh, and a reasonable social life.

Spread too thin

As you may have figured from that rather exhaustive list, I ended up not handling that so well. I was in the period of adjusting to my new role, and despite the rather big difference in lifestyle I had to change to, thought that I could also muster up the drive to acquire an entirely new skill, save as much as possible, have a “life”, while still maintaining 3 responsibilities that I have for my career.

By the end of the day, I am usually too tired to even get started on studying up on the wealth of new resources. As a reaction to this stress, I spent much more money than I would usually do over the weekends. Essentially, I was doing the opposite of what I had set out to do. It felt like I was taking one step forward, and two steps back. That didn’t turn out too well for my emotional well-being, as I started questioning my competence and future direction. It did not feel good.

January 2018 - definitely stretched too thin.
January 2018
(source)

Gaining perspective

Part of the training for the new role involved writing a core value/ personal mission statement. This is a statement that embodies a person’s values and what he/ she intends to make out of his/her life. Although I’m not quite finished, it gave me a peek into my passion, values, and skills. Essentially, it is a statement of who I am as a person. It slowly began to dawn on me that I started out the year spreading myself too thin, with no focused direction to efficiently utilize my limited psychological resources. Doing this exercise, it was also very clear to me that my core value statement will revolve around the area of personal development, and the strong desire to reach out to as many people as possible.

Just the other day, I was having dinner with a couple of friends when the conversation started centering around financial management. One of them brought up a statement from a Tony Robbins book about investing too much (negative) energy and attention on what little money that can be saved. Instead, directing that energy towards activities and thoughts that could instead generate more money (in other words, putting that energy to positive action) would be a much more desirable alternative. Although I wasn’t much of a Tony Robbins fan, that really did hit home for me.

Writing down my personal mission statement turned out to be a really insightful exercise (source)

One inch wide, one mile deep

I was casually browsing through my old folders a few days later, when I stumbled upon the book that I was writing some time in the beginning of last year. At the back of my mind, I knew that I’ve always wanted to complete that book, but had been putting it off because I felt that it wasn’t too good. I was completely surprised by the sheer volume of how much I have already written. The articles also had the genuineness, intention, and thoughtfulness of what I think makes good writing. It was full of useful information that was well-written. I had underestimated my past self!

(source)

These chain of events made me realize that I was not centered in my purpose for 2018. The things that I need to get done and pursue relentlessly has been staring right at my face. Instead, I chose to pursue unrelated skills and activities that would deviate me from more fruitful goals. This insight felt like warm rays of light massaging my skin, as the dark clouds began to disperse.

2018 goals

I felt like I have found myself, and what I needed to do has become very clear. These are goals that are in line with my values and passion, which would then lead to productive outcomes. At the end of February 2018, I’ve found what I need to accomplish for the year, and they are:

1) To complete a personal development book catered to young adults.
2) To successfully receive VC funding for the online counseling app.
3) To consult a minimum of 3 clients every weekend at my practice.
4) To further develop facilitating skills with an audience at my new role in university, which would be a means of personal development in the area of public speaking/ training.
5) To save income generated from consulting private clients, and invest most of it to build a healthy financial portfolio.

2018, here I come!

The Reason Why I Write

I have been fond of writing ever since I was a teenager. Before I had even known that there’s such a thing as a therapist (ironically, I’m one now), writing has always been my instrument to bring into awareness inner thoughts and emotions. It acts as a mirror, staring right back at me. As I write, the words that is on the screen is void of emotion and judgment. It’s matter-of-fact. If I can allow complete honesty with myself, I can see what I am really thinking and feeling. It can feel like I am ironing out the knotted mess that is my mind.

Aside from blogs that I used to have (and have now long forgotten, or have lost access to), I also used to have a notebook with me to pen my thoughts. In it contained entries as short as a few words, poems, grocery and to-do lists, random sketches of lines and circles, and whatever that could possibly be on my mind at the time of writing. That notebook became so emotionally significant to me, that the pages from the book was also cut out and used for love notes and letters that I would send to my girlfriend at the time.

I was the most creative, present, and emotionally aware during the period of time when I was consistent in writing and meditating.

There is a kind of warmth that I feel when writing. Just like how this picture feels.(source)

Unfortunately, I no longer possess that notebook. I have since dropped the habit of regular meditation. Based on the duration between entries on this blog, I have also lost touch with writing. I am guilty of taking writing for granted. It seems to me that I only willingly approach it when I am in pain, and in need of cathartic self-awareness. Like a mistreated lover, I only showered it with attention when I needed something from it.

Why do I abandon writing in good times, when it was the one that had kept me there in the first place? I am a walking paradox. But so is going through the passage of life, which can be rather confusing and out-of-order; despite its sweetness if I’m ever so present to stop and notice. This further validates my point that I should be writing more consistently. I can benefit from taking notice.

To be really frank with myself, I haven’t been feeling my best lately. In the past couple of months or so, I’ve felt like I’ve disappointed myself in various aspects: relational, financial, physical, and emotional. The past 2-3 years have been rather draining, and it feels as if the platform that is supporting me slowly thinning down.

I haven’t been allowing these emotions to come into full awareness and to just let it breathe. Writing was one of the ways to catch these feelings, and so was meditation. I just went on with my days, denying these feelings its right to exist during times when it rightfully should. And so here I am, writing about it, staring into these words that I’ve just written. It’s like a mirror to how I look on the inside, and I can live it in its full flesh. I’m appreciating this, more so in the silence of the night.

Emotions can be rather tricky. Despite how disappointed or down I feel about myself, I know that when viewed rationally, I have accomplished a great deal of things throughout this year and have held myself together considerably well given the circumstances. But then again, these accomplishments has its time and place. And for this moment, I would like to instead allow what I’ve been denying to claim its own space.

There is a kind of relief and warmth that comes from being honest with myself. Being truthful almost feels like being naked (guess that’s why they call it the ‘naked truth’). To just feel my truth, despite the pain, is actually a rather pleasant experience. I’m glad I took the time to do this. This is the reason why I write.